2011

So here I am walking and still walking after 364 days towards a brand new start of 365 days, with new enthusiasm and motivation, new hopes, new resolutions and a new year going back to January from December and to, leaving behind all unsolved and solved just to new ones of those. Isn't that what I do every year, though? I almost never fall far from the same resolutions every year because I never managed to keep to them the year before. But that's what new years are for aren't they, to put you back on track.

Hearing and reading reviews of 2010 on the radio and the internet just made me realise how much has happened this year - the volcanic eruption of Eyjafjallajökull, the BP oil spill, the Chilean miners, the flood in Pakistan, the Korean war, the Papal visit, and the World Cup!.. only to name a few. I reckon I should make my own review of 2010 so this time next year I can look at this and appreciate how far I've gone and what I've accomplished or be reminded of how stagnant my life is - though definitely crossing my fingers and hoping it'll be the former. So here the highlights of this year from January to December:

January

Got my A Level results, exulted for days, the anticipation was NOT fun, would've broken down in tears if it was any other result.

Attended an interview for Cardiff University - went fantastically well, much more than I expected. In fact I got my offer so much earlier than the majority of the applicants and even before the interview period for medicine applications ended. Offer letter even included how well I did in the interview and how pleased the interviewers were, that totally made my week.

Got pooled and then declined an offer by Cambridge University approximately one day after my Cardiff interview - devastated, well I was really hopeful about Trinity Hall. Though I later realised how this is working out best for me(cue London), so thank God:)

February

Got called for an interview in London for Imperial College. This was a tough one, never really thought of Imperial but by this time I knew I had to because Cambridge was out of the picture.

Had a pleasant Chinese New Year, it was the first time that I'd been out that much with friends during CNY.

March

Imperial Interview - long journey from Tawau to London:Twu-KL-Singapore-KL-London and vice versa. Totally fazed by the number of interviewees and their big talk (i joke) , interview was just tense, got grilled for 15 minutes by who is now my affable Epidemiology lecturer . I honestly felt that I didn't do well right after and was quite worried but well I'm here now.

June

Got Cardiff offer.

Anticipated Imperial's offer, the most intense of all anticipation because it would've been Cardiff if I didn't get Imperial, literally dropped down on the floor and praised God when I got it :) probably one of the best moments in my life.

July & August

Busy preparing for Imperial ie: Visa, tuition fees, accommodation, air tickets

Visited KL, had some amazing food I missed from my Taylor's days.

September

My birthday - had a really amazing japanese dinner with family(hope to do that again soon)

Received what is the most touching birthday message I've ever received :)

Started packing for London.

October

Left for London on the 2nd of October 2010.

Freshers' Week!

Settling down was arduous, especially carrying my first batch of what would be many shopping bags to come from Sainsbury's, I bought so much the first time there were holes in the bags and things were dropping out and I had to carry all of them home alone, worst part was how people looked at me and how my muscles were going to tear.

November

Freshers' week was over, work started, stress was creeping in.

Had my first interview with a patient - passable, good experience

Had one of the biggest conflict with someone since probably 2007 and this time it was entirely started by the person(although funnily it was all her fault/problem) . Hate conflicts- why is why I decided not to have a fight with her.

December

Experienced my first snow - one of the top moments of 2010

Confession - Bliss ;)

Christmas! - prepared my first ever Christmas dinner all by myself for 3 other friends!

Boxing day sales : Bought a camera(it's pretty awesome), got a perfume gift set , a wool coat, three long sleeved shirts

My pair of personalised NIKEiD shoes arrived! probably the most comfortable shoes I'd ever worn.

Well farewell 2010, 'twas a nice walk.

Christmas is the time

Princes Gardens (that's where I live by the way)

Christmas is the time to say 'I love you', to share the joys of laughter and good cheer, the time to go Christmas shopping(cheer from the girls), the time for snowball fights and snowman making, the time for lovely homemade dinners, the time of reflection, the time to appreciate the blessings we've received throughout the year, the time to deal with unsettled matters, to look forward to a new year and most importantly the time to be reminded and prepare ourselves for the next coming of Christ.

Every time this year, I would be 1. worrying about christmas time confession 2. anticipating presents 3. abusing the Christmas songs I have to surround myself with the 'spirit of Christmas' 4. getting all emotional as I reflect on the past year anticipating another new year 5. trying to make it a Christmas worth laughing and smiling about. Although this year anticipating presents would not be on my list since I'm going to have Christmas away from home for the very first time. I'm nevertheless excited and curious to how my first Christmas in London will be like (please, White Christmas!)

It is amazing how Christmas brings the bunch of emotions, anticipation and joy it always brings when it comes. And the things which come with it - Christmas trees, Christmas decor, Christmas songs and carols, sleigh bells, snowmen, candy canes, mistletoes, awesome presents, hopefully these will instead of distract us, remind us the absolute joy the birth of Christ has brought to the world.

And just to get you into Christmas mood if you aren't already, here's a list of my favourite songs this Christmas, to be shared with you (Christmas is about sharing :P) :

1. Happy Christmas - John Lennon or Maroon 5's version

2. Christmas is The Time - Katherine Mcphee

3. My Only Wish (This Year) - Britney Spears

4. The First Noel Born is The King - Mariah Carey

5. O Little Town of Bethlehem - Mariah Carey (Merry Christmas II You)

6. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Doris Day

7. The Way You Look Tonight - Westlife (strictly speaking not a Christmas song but give it a hear nevertheless)

8. Grown Up Christmas List - Michael Buble

9. Baby it's Cold Outside- Celtic Thunder

10. Silent Night - Wilson Phillips

Have a very very Merry Christmas :)

IMPERIAL, LONDON.

Now that I'm finally in Imperial and settled down. I got but one thing to say...LOVIN' IT.
If coconut-flavoured ice cream was the most awesome thing on earth (it is btw), Imperial would be coconut-flavoured ice cream with chocolate chips! (actually I'm not sure if that would actually taste nice but you get the message)

Here are a few photos of my freshers' week as a medic, didn't take much pictures but IT WAS SICK! (Both literally and figuratively)

What you did not see is them going half-naked later with the girls.

Why can't you be a good kid and drink sensibly? Oh yeah 'medics don't get drunk easily'... :S

Freshers' Ball

The gals getting ready to party at the Beach Bop!

On a more serious note, I'm glad I could say that except for Imperial not being too shrewd in admitting most of its medics(more like drunk nurses), London is really living up to my expectations. To be able to live in a place wallowing in centuries-worth of heritage and history is amazing- I've to say I'm a sucker for the English heritage.

London on a lovely day

Well London treat me nice for the next six years of med school, two years of foundation as a junior doctor, and hopefully the rest to come, provided I don't grow tired of you first.

My Imperial Journey

It's about time I summarise my all but complete journey along the road towards my ultimate destination, what with my UCAS being firm, visa done, tickets booked,accommodation settled, and well, a month plus to go.

Trinity Hall's crest.

One year ago, about this time, I would never have predicted where I would be now. I was then still very optimistic about Trinity Hall, Cambridge. Even more so after I had a promising interview with the Ceylonese professor from Cambridge at Taylor's. Of course, there was still one more obstacle, one more possible deterrent, the BMAT. If you know Cambridge and you know where I am going right now, you probably would know that I didn't do geniusly enough to be accepted. Instead I was pooled, my credentials left for other Cambridge colleges to assess and decide if they would like to take me in, and again if you know where I am now, that didn't work out. On the other side of the admissions and tests, my UKCAT was even worse, UNACCEPTABLY INCOMPETENT would be about suitable to describe it. As a result, I lost Edinburgh (and them not having an interview made things worse) but got Cardiff which from the quality of response I have received from them to date, interview I aced.

Now that any hope of getting into Cambridge was as good as nought and Edinburgh out of hands, the prospect of having to attend an interview in London for Imperial College which I never really thought I would have to fret about finally materialised. Faced with a rather obvious choice between Cardiff and Imperial, I flew to London, had the interview, came back and well I'm attending Imperial Freshers' Fair in less than two months from now.

Funny thing about how all this turned out is that London was the place I always wanted to live in since I was small, and most likely the biggest factor why I fell in love with the UK because I could see myself residing and having a life in London. I love big cities, I love the modern aspect of it, I love the hustle and bustle of metropolitan life, I love living in a place with all sorts of world-famous attractions and landmarks , I love the London accent and yes I love shopping too. Cambridge albeit a big city, wouldn't offer as much as London, Edinburgh is worse and come to think of it, I'll never be able to bear five years listening to scottish accents! Cardiff likewise will never be able to stand side by side London. All these were cramped into one epiphany I had when I was in London when I finally realised that this was probably God's will. He knew where I would love to be most and He also knew if given a chance to go to Cambridge, I probably would not have considered London because I would very likely spend my whole life listening to people yapping about the wasted opportunity if I didn't and Cambridge was much easier on my dad's pocket.

Imperial Medics Crest

So, Imperial College London, is if nothing radical happens where I will graduate as a doctor with an MBBS and BSc six years from now. I'd be 26, hopefully chicks will dig me more then. This whole thing will definitely cost me a fortune, but I believe that if God opened this path for me, He'd make sure that I'd have a conveyor all the way.

My goal at Imperial? To fit right in, to make the best of my stint in a foreign country by being adventurous and willing to step out of my comfort zone so that I can make this place my home, and to do what I am going there to do, to be one whale of a doctor.

Why Catholics have itchy hands

Even a person who knows nothing of Christianity and Catholicism would be able to identify a Catholic by their itchy hands. By that, I don't literally mean physically itchy hands, but as you might already have figured it out(thanks to the kid in the picture), their making the Sign of the Cross. Some may think we do it but because it's a tradition and nothing more and probably many protestants deem it unnecessary which suggests the reason why they don't do it.

Here's why we make the Sign of the Cross. "Making the sign of the cross means saying a visible and public "YES" to the One who died and rose for us, to God who in the humility and weakness of His love is the Almighty, stronger than all the power and intelligence of the world."- Pope Benedict XVI, September 11, 2005.

Well said.

Saved by the Man and His Cross

I stumbled across a piece of writing when reading my Lectio Divina about why we Catholics have Crucifixes rather than empty crosses. I figured not all of you read the Lectio so I'm going to post a shortened version of it here.


" Some protestants think Catholics prefer the crucifix over the empty cross because they(Catholics) want to "keep Christ on the cross.." Of course, it's not an observation NCC usually share with Catholics; so Catholics never have the opportunity to respond to such gross misrepresentation.

Looking at the flipside of the accusation, I realise that I've never heard a Catholic suggest that protestant prefer the empty cross because protestant want to think only of victory and blessing, to the exclusion of Our Lord's death on a cross.

The message of the cross is a three-note chord. Christ lived, died and rose again. The question is how do we best proclaim this three note chord? Should we wear the crucifix and remember the death? Should we wear a cross and remember Christ’s victory over the cross? Which note do we emphasize?

Catholics believe the empty cross is beautiful, too, contrary to what some protestant suspect, so it really shouldn’t be a protestant –Catholic debate.

Even so, I think there is a real danger in forgetting the cost of redemption and the cost of discipleship. An empty cross all too easily becomes a piece of jewellery , a pop-culture icon. An empty cross doesn’t demand that our minds reflect on the sobering reality of Christ’s death. The empty cross conveniently allows us to gloss over Good Friday and Holy Saturday and go straight to Easter morning. We can lift our hands for blessings and name-and-claim our victory and barely give a thought to the message of the cross.

The empty cross fits all too neatly in our protestant culture. Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I claim that. He paid the price. I claim that. He wants to bless me. I claim that too.

Christ has died. I must die, figuratively and literally. Christ has risen. If I Die with Christ , I will be raised with Christ. Christ will come again. If I die with Christ and am raised with Christ, then I will rise to meet Him when He comes in glory.

Our Lord didn’t make the mistake of focusing on the victory before Calvary. He knew the victory was His, but death on a cross would come first.

Why do I prefer the crucifix? It humbly reminds me of the price Jesus Christ paid for my sin, and it soberly reminds me that I must empty myself for Him and carry my cross daily, until I see Him face-to-face.

For now, there is a reminder. The cross of Christ. Not an empty cross, but a rugged old cross where a body is pierced and bleeding for my sin and the sin of the whole world. The crucifix. It contains the message that will lead me to my eternal home. I must be willing to die. For it is in dying that we are raised to new life."

This wonderful piece is by Denise Bossert, whose father is a Catholic preacher.

WHY IS PORNOGRAPHY WRONG?

I've never watched porn. Well not so much of a big surprise considering that I was brought up with a mentality that saying the word "breast" is not advisable. Odd, yess but anyway I use the word breast freely now(My ambition is to be a doctor for crying out loud). While I am opposed to porn, and discourage anyone who comes to me for advice on this issue, I never really could give GOOD, PERSUASIVE reasons why one shouldn't watch porn. And I've always wondered myself the grounds on which this stand is made by the church.

So I made an effort to surf through a few catholic sites to find some good reasons why one should NOT, or STOP watching blue film. This is what I've found...


".....First, in Matthew 5:27-28 our Lord says clearly: “You have heard that it was said to them of old: Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Further, still from a Christian perspective, pornographic films are produced in grave sin, sin which is the cause of Christ’s suffering and death. What are we watching in such films is the commission of grave offenses against God and His gift of marital love and procreation.

From a psychological perspective the watching of porn is also deadly. Studies have shown that the watching of pornography is addictive, and the images seen are etched almost permanently into memory. Such images pervade the imagination, especially at the most inopportune moments such as when normal sexual relations between married spouses is attempted.

Adultery in the imagination, or by watching porn, leads inevitably to infidelity either in person or virtually. Adultery usually leads to marriage breakdown and the nightmare of divorce.

Sexuality is a gift from God. It is geared to a man and a woman giving themselves to each other freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully until death do they part. Any sexual activity outside of that, whether it be pre-marital, adulterous, by force, with self, same-sex or contraceptive is harmful physically, psychologically and spiritually."


On top of that, most of the porn stars are probably not in a relationship let alone married. This in turn leads to FORNICATION. And watching porn is like sitting on the "WE SUPPORT FORNICATION" side of the bleachers. Needless to say, fornication is a sin, and if done with full knowledge and full consent, a grave sin. By watching pornography, one directly encourage the production of more pornography which leads to more fornication, more acts of defiling the sacredness of sex!


"Sex is about real love. Real love is choosing what is best for the other, regardless of the cost to myself. Think about it - what is more powerful than having sex? The greatest power we have is to create and the greatest of all created things is a human being. When a child is created in a mother's womb, it is because two people have the opportunity to procreate. That is, to create with God. Sex is the most powerful thing humans can participate in.

Any kind of sexual activity outside of the bonds of marriage cannot be a loving act. Why? Because love wouldn't take a chance with someone phyiscally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. and this is just what sex outside of marriage does, it risks another person's well-being."

NB: There a MANY more reasons why porn is wrong. The ones I mentioned came to me as compelling but different people would find different reasons compelling so do check out the 2 websites in my citation and if that's not enough go google. WARNING:DO NOT GOOGLE PORN. Google "Why Porn is Wrong"

Citations: http://www.catholicregister.org/content/view/1778/852/
http://marysaggies.blogspot.com/2008/01/what-is-wrong-with-porn.html

LOVE

"Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or
arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things , hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...And now faith, hope and love abide, these three, and the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 8, 13

Already in these few verses have I found how much love I lack. It's ironic how we say we LOVE so much yet meet so little of love's definition. Reading this passage somehow motivates me to strive to be what love is, as difficult as it can be most of the time. So with God's grace may I grasp slowly bit by bit what is the greatest gift of all.
If

The Sacrament of Reconciliation(Confession)

I'm putting up this post because I have persistently struggled with this sacrament , always wondering why it is necessary when one could just confess his/her sin to God privately in prayer, always plagued by fear of embarrassment and humiliation, and since lenten season is commencing very soon , I figured people who feel the way I do could use some help with what seems to be (but actually isn't) an unfathomable , unnecessary sacrament.

"...sometimes I get mild shudders and my heart thumps so fast I probably am close to getting a myocardial infarction..."

Not unaware that confession is at hand when Easter is in sight, I start getting little and random feelings of anxiety and apprehension of having to confess my sin yet again. But what are little and random feelings now were torrents and surges of emotions(mainly fear, anxiety and confusion) back in my early days of going for confession. I strictly and mostly do 2 confessions a year, one during the lenten season and the other during the advent season- something I'm not proud of -because everytime I go for confession I get the chills, so bad that sometimes I get mild shudders and my heart thumps so fast I probably am close to getting a myocardial infarction. It's because I feel so ashamed to tell the priest what I've done wrong, and that's not the headline, the headline is I have to tell the priest PRECISELY WHAT and HOW I DID WRONG. And being human and a male , I've often had impure thoughts and probably desires which I am very ashamed of and sometimes very unintentional(to the extent of which I don't know if it's a sin) . And I struggle to decide if it's a sin and whether I should confess it since I'm not sure if it is.



But over the years, I've became more and more calm when it comes to confessions or calling it what it truely is, Sacrament of Reconciliation. Today I read a few articles on what can be an amazing sacrament , and I would really like to share it with you...

By Fr. Cedric Pisegna, CP

During this year for priests, i have been reflecting on my vocation and the different ways God has worked in my life since my ordination. And i have to say that of all the things i have been called to do as a priest, I have been most affected-and most surprised-by my experience of hearing confessions. Before i was ordained in 1991 , i thought it would be burdensome or strange to spend hours in confessional every week . But it didn't tak eme long to discover how very powerful this sacrament can be, for me as well as for people who come to confess their sins.

COURAGE TO SEE AND SAY. Many people are nervous when they approach this sacrament. Once, a woman came in and instead of praying, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, " she started, "Bless us , O Lord , and these they gifts...." I half expected her to break out some food so we could celebrate. Actually we laughed about her nervous beginning, and it became a moment of relaxation for her.

Often when a person steps into the confessional, I will clasp their hands as they sit down. They are usually freezing cold. I understand why. Sometimes when i preach my own hands get cold. A major reason for this is nervousness. When the preaching is over , I feel my hands getting warm right away. Confessing your sins to another can be scary too, and i admire the courage of every penitent.

Many people are unable – or unwilling- to look within and examine their conscience. When they come for Confession, it’s with an attitude of “ I can’t imagine what I’ve done wrong.” That’s the problem. But no confessor has a problem with people who come to the sacrament knowing they have failed and need forgiveness even if it is a matter of grave sin.

A HEALING SACRAMENT. By his preaching, counselling, and celebrating the sacraments, a priest mediates the healing presence of Jesus. As a travelling missionary who hears confessions in many different churches, I try to facilitate this in practical ways. Whenever I am ministering, I try to provide a simple , prayerful atmosphere where a person will feel welcome. I air out the confessional and clear away any clutter. I light a candle. I provide a box of tissues. That last item is because some people unexpectedly tear up. Often they will apologize, but I will hand them a tissue and say, “That’s okay. Tears are a gift. They can be cleansing. Take your time, no hurry.”

Tears are often a sign of inner healing. And this inner healing , as I have discovered from many hours in the confessional, is what people desperately need. We need healing form perpetuating the same sins over and over. We need healing from guilt, shame and inner condemnation. We need healing and restoration in our relationship with God. All of this is available through the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Once, I went to a priest friend of mine and confessed a sin from my past that I had never told before. As the confession ended, he stood and gave me a long hug. He was a tall man, and as I felt his embrace I suddenly realised that I was being hugged by the One who forgave me- Jesus. It was a touch of Christ that I will never forget. I was able to let go of the guilt and forgive myself.

NO MASKS. The trust people give priests is inspiring. There are no masks in the confessional. I see people at their best, as well as their worst. They are extremely honest and vulnerable. They share their hidden secrets ands tell me things they have not even shared with their spouse. I try to provide a nonjudgemental, safe place where people can open themselves fully. When they share their innermost secrets and sins with me, I know they are letting in the light of God and moving forward. A process of freedom begins. Healing occurs. Issues are confronted. Forgiveness and mercy are received. The founder of the Passionists, St. Paul of the Cross, said he preached in order to get people to come to Confession. He knew the power of what could happen one on one.

I am surprised, not only by what happens in each penitent but also in me. When I hear someone share honestly and with complete vulnerability, my own heart softens, and I am more open to grace. In some ways , you reflect my life, as if I am looking into a mirror. Seeing you wrestling to forgive someone, overcome your compulsions, or surrender to God confronts me with my own struggles and moves me to look at my own life more closely. Your honesty is a witness to me. We are not islands unto ourselves but are all part of the same continent. We share a common humanity, and as you share with me, my communion with you is profound. I have heard thousands of confessions and never cease to be amazed at how Christ touches the priest, as well as the penitent in this healing sacrament."

...and an excerpt from http://catholicism.about.com:

Why Is Confession Necessary?:

Non-Catholics, and even many Catholics, often ask whether they can confess their sins directly to God, and whether God can forgive them without going through a priest. On the most basic level, of course, the answer is yes, and Catholics should make frequent acts of contrition, which are prayers in which we tell God that we are sorry for our sins and ask for His forgiveness.

But the question misses the point of the Sacrament of Confession. The sacrament, by its very nature, confers graces that help us to live a Christian life, which is why the Church requires us to receive it at least once per year. Moreover, it was instituted by Christ as the proper form for the forgiveness of our sins. Therefore, we should not only be willing to receive the sacrament, but we should embrace it as a gift from a loving God.

For more information, do check out http://catholicism.about.com/od/beliefsteachings/p/Why_Confession.htm.